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Sunday, February 8th, 2004
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11:43 pm - Blah Blah Blah
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Haven't updated in a while.....
Just just been planning the wedding and stuff. should be GRREEAAATT.
I dont have a whole lot to say. its late. and i'm tired. been spending time with wendy- and been enjoying it :) of course!
SOOO thats it for now. BUH BYE
current mood:  tired
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| Saturday, December 6th, 2003
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12:31 pm
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Although I have been busy working and stuff, I am not HAPPY. I love Joshuah. Things have been kind of crazy lately. I love him, ALOT, but he leaves things untaken care of. The whole jail situation was never taken care of. He now has a suspended DL again! I mean COOMMMON! This whole things to be haunting us. It never goes away. Hes always gott tickets to pay, or in jail or NOT paying them, or a suspended DL. It drives me totaly insane. I was so mad last night. He took time from work to take care of a plant mantience job, but couldn't take time to get his head light fixed? I was FURIOUS! i mean, BE RESPONSIBLE, TAKE CARE OF YOUR CRAP! I was freaking mad. OBVIOUSLY.
I was hopeing to go to KOHLS today- i wanted to buy a leather jacket, and right now they are having a sale. but Wendy had an exam, and I guess my mom didnt wanna go- she already had plans. and Joshuah had to work. GOSH i need more friends? I hate doing certain things by myself- and shopping is One of them.
Work is good. I worked from 9:30-6:30 yesterday. It was fun. BUSY, HECTIC, and stressful, but quite fun. :) I got moved to like 3 diff. departmements- ended up in intamintes, aka: sleepware/bras/pannies/and landeray (ok i know its spelled wrong) . It was INTERESTING to say the least. :) but i had alot of fun.
im so bored. annoyed. and i dont know. :( just over all sad, depressed. i guess. i dont know
current mood:  bored
current music: Hillary Duff- This is what dreams are made of
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12:04 pm
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You're goin' down! FOR HACKING INTO COMPUTERS!
Please rate if you liked!
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11:55 am
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Eb major - you are warm and kind, always there for
your friends, who are in turn there for you.
You are content with your confortable life and
what you are currently achieving; if you keep
in this state you will go far.
what key signature are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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11:51 am
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11:49 am
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| Friday, December 5th, 2003
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8:57 pm
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Well, we changed the wedding date. but thats ok :) we had to change it to accomidate some other things.
I have been SO busy! ahh!!! Work, eat, sleep, plan this wedding!
I am changing the security level.. for a reason, but anywho, if you wanna read my private entries,let me know, and i'll add you to my friend list. i changed this due to some unwanted unvited guests. heh :)
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| Thursday, October 16th, 2003
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11:21 pm - ARGH
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ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS ARGH!!!!!!!!! Sooo ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!
That wasn't enough to express my hurt, anger, and whatever else.
current mood: crushed
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| Thursday, October 9th, 2003
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3:41 pm - No work- All Play?
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Well, Since I got laid off, I haven't been working.. I've "kinda" been looking- .. YES I want a job. But, I want something I am going to enjoy. I WILL NOT get a job to just work! I mean if it came down to it in the long run- I guess I would. But I follow my gut feelings and stuff- and well, right now, nothing has sounded great, or interested. Forget pay and money- I want to do something I'm going to enjoy. Something that will alow me to show my passion.
Ok. I dont want to be stuck behind a desk anymore- working on a computer. I want to have fun- and get paid. WOrking at rbc was fine for the last 4 years. but i want something more ME! Yeah- i'm good at computers and crap- but I DONT CARE.
I really want to go work for this place called Club Libby Lu... Club Libby Lu. A special secret club for super fabulous girls 6-13 can get makeovers parties, play games, get advice, and find really cool princess paraphernalia..(from their website) http:www.clublibbylu.com
WHY? Well, Many kids/young adults don't get alot of attention/love/support. and thats why there are so many corrupted kids. I want to work there- in hopes to show these young girls love and support. Even though I won't be with them along time- I want to show the love of christ to them- and some how, reguardless of their current life, I want to reach them- some how, some way, form or fasion.
OK- i know the whole "club libby lu" idea sounds "crazy" but to me ITS SO FREAKING COOL!! My passion for life- is to reach out- specially to young ones, and let them know they are loved. SO many kids don't know this. I can't really explain it. It kinda goes back to my whole SFE thing. I mean.. I just i can't explain it. and now, every sense i've heard of this, i want to work there- I want to make these girls look pretty-.
OK- prettyiness on the inside is what matters. but for some they need to realize that they are pretty on the inside. I mean- if we look our best we feel our best- so why not help these young girls have fun, be made up, looking all spiffy- and hopefully give the young girls a self esteem booste? IS that so wrong?
BUT everyone is like agaist me working there. You need a real job they say... argh argh argh!!!! SHOOOH!! ALL OF YOU. If they aren't hiring thats fine. whatever.
All this time, no matter the job, its like GOd's been telling me to wait. I've applied for some jobs and stuff, KNOWIng that it didn't feel right. But this feels right. I can't explain it. I have such a "mission" to reach out- and some way- this is how.
does it sound stupid? i dunno.
had to get this off my chest :)
current mood:  weird
current music: Trading my Sorrows- The Katinas
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| Wednesday, October 1st, 2003
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6:35 pm - Laid OFF
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Well, They laid me off from work today .. I'm not sure how to deal with it or w/e. so thats where i'm at, and what i'm doing.
argh!
current mood: sad
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| Friday, September 26th, 2003
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9:38 am - ~~~ARGH~~~
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I know no one is perfect. I'm not perfect and I screw up. Period.
But
Relationships - any form- are based off ALOT of things. And I thought that you had a friendship, or a relationship with a SO(significant other) than you would have differenct "base" than just a casual friendship (work or w/e) ....
I am very close to my friend(s), and I try to be very open, and honest, truthful regurdless of what it may cause. HONESTY and OPENess is very BIG to me. I have seen people totaly torn down because of lies, or betrayal or simple stuff. EVERY SMALL THING MATTERS! If I am completely honest with someone- I EXPECT- yes EXPECT the same in return. and I GUESS THAT'S TOOOO MUCH TO ASK FOR FROM ANYONE- so I've found out.
I'm on the edge. I GIVE UP. I've been hurt ALOT in my past. and I gave love, and friendship, a chance. and all it leads to is hurt, anger, and arguments. and well I'M SICK OF IT. Being alone can be very lonely- I like having friends and having someone to share things with- and having someone to have fun with. BUt its beginning to NOT BE WORTH the pain. Its beginning to NOT BE WORTH THE EFFORTS.
Yes, I GIVE UP EASILY- but thats my poragative, my situation, my problem. Yes, it affects others - those around me. but I can't handle so much emotionally anymore.
I know that in my hurt and pain, and anger and whatever, I tend to cause others pain as well. What I said last night was totaly off, and uncalled for, and not right of me. I'm sorry- I felt horrible. I know how much that hurt (wendy). and i'm sorry-
I CAN'T DEAL WITH HURT ANYMORE. I frreaking give up. I want to leave it all behind. Move forward. God will deal with me on friendships and relationships when he wants me to have them. Now is not the time. or is it? :( I dont know.
i just GIVE UP!
What W told me sure wasn't a big deal. But considering that she knew that she was doing this - for at leaste two days- then ya think someone would share that with you- considering something big could turn out from it- but no. she didnt. not until actual communication was there. so whatever. I know this makes no sense to alot of people. but it will to her. and for this, its all it matters. its really and honestly NOT a big deal. But was still hurt by the fact that her so called best friend (me) didn't know.
Obviosuly- I dont know anything about relationships/friendships.
so I'm out. I give up.
current mood:  anxious
current music: The guy over our Russia office is in town- heh :) he rocks
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| Tuesday, September 23rd, 2003
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5:45 pm - I UNDERSTAND
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the last several months (more than 3- less than a year?)I've totaly questioned everything I belived. Mostly b/c i didnt know what i believed. I wanted to know why we worshiped this so called God, and who he was. and how do we know this whole religion thing is true. I wrote several poems- each (so i'm told) express my hurt, my hunger for truth- and my confusion admist all the search. (i'll share if wanted or needed- they dont have titles yet- but o well) I didnt understand why god created us. i thought he was selfish to create us to worship him....
I'm not a very open person. so when my best friend and boyfriend tried to talk to me- i'd get all defensive and stuff. well, the last month i guess, i've opened up more, gradually and gradually- listening to what they said, some what learning, and w/e.
Well, i still had questions, with no answers. and well, god gave it to me.
Sunday at church- we were worshiping. and the last several weeks- i made a commitment to hold on to whatever hope i had found. I belived there was a god, but i didnt understand. i really struggled with this whole relationship that i was to have. one night at my friends house, i was skimming through this book she bought, and it had some awesome pictures in there. one was putting ourselves on this throne, and god as our servent, and one was us as god's servent, and him on the throne. well that got me thinking.....
well, to focus on nothing but god durning the worship service i closed my eyes. and the pastor was coming in the middle of the song to say something- and he said something, and some where in there he prayed that god wouldn't pass us by. and that if thats yoru prayer or w/e to pray that .. well, normaly i wouldn't .but i did. i prayed. that god would reach out to me, and not pass me by.
when i did that- i had the following image. and now all i can say, I UNDERSTAND. the image:
(as desrciptive as possible)
We call God King of kings- so thats what my picture was. a king in this huge castle, over this huge land. U know how kings, ok some kings, do things in the best interest of 'his people'? well this king was telling his servents, who lived in his kingdom (castle) of course, to go outside the castle to tell everyone if they come to him, then he will give them all that they need. the servent worshiped the king, for all his power, and glory-
God is our king. he loves us. he prolly sat in the sky thinking- man i have this power - so i'm going to create this world. and these people. just like two people creating a baby- he created us- he loves us. he is teling us to just come to him- and worship him- and he'll take care of everything- our job- is to worship him, and let everyone else know about God- to witness.
well, once i got this image- my mind went crazy-
just like if we sin , it says in isaiah 43- our sins basically keep us from God. if u did something wrong - you go to jail, or in castle terms- you get put in a dungon. but if you ask for forgivness - god forgives us. and he frees us from our bondage.
if you work for the king- and go outside the castle- and then work for someone else- or disregard everything the king says-- you betray him. just like if we go to church- or read his commands (bible) and then turn around- and ignore what we were told- or ignore what we read- then we betray God. It doesn't matter where we are- or what we are doing- we are to keep up the name of a chrsitian- and keep god's word. we aren't suppose to betray him!
OUR king wants everyone to live in his castle. he's calling us to him! WHY? to live a better life! we are his servents. and because of that- our reward is a great live in a great huge castle. we are to submmit to god, and his will. HE gave us life!!!!
SO all i could do then, was sit and cry- beacuse God loves me! he gave me a life! I am to do his ministry- his calling- and obey his commandments. I mean how awesome is that?
So all i can say - IS I UNDERSTAND.
i'm sorry if my above post makes no sense. I dont know how to explain it. i just have this image in my head. but i can't put it into words!!!!!
current mood:  rejuvenated
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| Wednesday, September 17th, 2003
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12:35 pm - Soak up the son!
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lately, things have been a total confusing mess!
Monday- Joshuah and I went to the Dallas manicipal court building to handle all that crap. First, we were in the wrong dept. then we went down stairs- and stood in line forever. Then the lady said she couldn't help us b/c 1. she doesn't understand his situation and case. 2. it still shows him in jail. 3. we had no release papers.
so she filled out lots of papers. sent us up stairs to the prosecution office. (great! is what i was thinking) we walk in and this lady was totaly rude!!! shes looked at the papers, and was like ok, these are two warrents, what do u not understand!? we were like- ok = 1. we didnt know they were warrents, they keep saying they were tickets, and 2. we were sent down here by the person downstairs b/c they didnt understand. man she pissed me off. so we talked to her and blah blha blah. we had to go back down stiars, and stand in a nother line for eternity- we got there at 9:42, and left at 1:00pm. it took forever!!!!! but its taken care of. He started his new job tuesday. fun stuff
God's really been dealing with me. Basically- I guess you could say i've been kinda "luke warm" argh. hate to admit that. By no means was i trying ot turn my back on God, but I guess I did in a way-, but God's really been trying to reach me. At first, i prolly shrug it off. and then things just kept happening..i gradually began to break. I read a book wendy got from some garage sale... and well, it made some good points:
DONT BASE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD OFF OF EMOTIONS!
argh!! emotions. i keep hearing that word. I let my emotions fly when i get angry- or when i get sad. or w/e. i'm so sick of dealing with this issue. but its here again. so because i couldn't feel god - i let everything go down hill so much- it affected everyone around me.. and me of course as well. and they had a diagram that i really liked, and wish i could post on here. but it realy made me thinking and i really do need to change my way of thinking.
I once wrote out this long anology thingy. about how i felt as though there was so much confusion- so much cloudiness, that i cant feel god, its blocking the son from me. As soon as i told someone that- every day- rain or shine, or w/e, the son was me, some way form or fasion. I seemed to have direct sun on me all the time. well, I'M GONNA SOAK UP THE SON. and get things done right. and stop going by what i do or don't feel. I'll have to Hold on to faith- and start reaching out to God, so that he can pull me up to him. HE CAN ONLY REACH SO FAR!!... adn since i'm not reaching out- i'm stuck in the pit alone *of course- my friends are there reaching out to me, as well* I really want God's will for my life. I am goign to hold on to that desire. God will just have to change my way of thinking in the process. And i belive that he will. He's not my servent, but I am his.
I AM GONNA SOAK UP THE SUN
AS IT CONTINEUES TO SHINE
I'M GONNA DANCE AND HAVE SOME FUN
B/C I KNOW I'M FREE IN TIME
hum. a start of a poem. will have to finish later. :)
current mood:  chipper
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| Thursday, September 11th, 2003
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4:41 pm - Please see the site
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| Wednesday, September 10th, 2003
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4:47 pm - Just an update
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I haven't written on here in quite some time. I've been quite busy-
Where to start?
For starters, Joshuah got pulled over. And well, he was driving with a suspended liscence, and he didnt know it. He just got a new liscence. So if it was susupended the DPS shoudln't have given him a paper liscense. they were suppose to tell him it was suspended, and well, they didnt. So in to jail he goes, on 3 bonds. The main bond- in denton co. was 500 bucks. The other two were ticket bonds. Not sure how that works. He was in jail for about 5 days. I had the entire thing figured out then they transfered him- to make it all difficult on me. (he was in dallas- he got transf. to denton) so i had to start all over. but it was more difficult- i had to find a bondsman who could process both denton and dallas bonds. so i found one at 4am saturday morning. and he was out by 7 am saturday morning. and then my mom and i picked him up. it was crazy though. the whole thing is a mess. and if u dont know by now, our judicial system and justice system is crap! ok- he gets pulled over and given two tickets and one bond (well 3 bonds first- once the bond is paid- they turn back into tickets)... anywho- and supposivly- he had 3 warrents. HES CALLED EVERYONE IN THE WORLD and no one can find the warrents. i mean jeez its not hard- if he has a warrent it shows up. evidently its showing up on someones system- but whose- we dont know and can't seem to figure out. He called dps- who just said its suspended- but he now has to go to court for it- b/c he drove while it was suspended. argh!!! the situation is very confusing.
After my birthday- I was off work a while- dunno if I wrote about it. o well. here goes again... I dont remember alot of my vacation. I know Monday I slept :) and if i'm correct, wendy was there with me- because we both were sick. Tuesday J and I went to creative hands in arlington, and wednesday i had lunch with wendy- and then went to grams house- and then went out with joshuah.
Saturday- after getting J out of Jail- he slept- and then we left around 3 to go to wedding in waco- its my cousins wedding. it was interestingly fun. the wedding was nice. and the reception was alright. i felt weird. i dont fit in with them. nor do i really want to - they are soo country hickish. they live in a tiney city called teague (pronouced tig... yes tig...) and EVERYONE KNOWS EVERYONE! so here we are- outsides- not knowing anyone- it was weird! We got home kinda late. I was so out of it. I didn't call Wendy like i promised
and b/c of that i kinda hurt her feelings. but wendy- i'm really sorry- and we've talked it all out- but i still sorry- Your my best friend- I dont want to offend you- hurt your feelings in any way- i'm sorry- sometimes i just make stupid decisions, and that was one of them...
anywho, the situation with joshuah is very time consumeing. because right now, i'm the driver :) heh. ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
i can't think of anything else.
so thats an update. i'm working and hanging out with wendy and joshuah, and thats about it. nothing new. i'm playing around on my keyboard, making some repetitive sonds :)
anywho, joshuah's mugshot from being in the slammer is online -its so cute- hes so tired looking though. If i knew how to post it, i would, but i dont, but its so cute!
current mood: weird
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| Thursday, September 4th, 2003
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12:50 pm - interesting
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If I were a Neopet... I'd be a Draik!
These cute little Dragons appeared in Neopia one day without much warning at all... It's as if they came from another world. |  |
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Which Neopet are you? Click here to find out!
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| Monday, August 25th, 2003
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8:22 pm - No work- All play :)
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well, my birthday was saturday. Things were 'off' a bit. but all is well. friday- wendy's dad went to the emergency rm. come to find out he has minnumgitus. w/e that is. and hes got to stay in the hospital for 10 days. 10 days! Saturday was crazy- we had to get alot of stuff done. then alot of people canceled (meaning they weren't coming to my party) so i didn't have as many people- but thats ok- we all still had fun! Who Came: Mom, Dad, Brother, Wendy, Joshuah, Brad, Becky, Natalie, and Jarod, and of course I was there. wendy, Joshuah, my parents, and my grams all put money together and bought me this awsome keyboard. , wtih a pedal, stand and stuff. I REALLY LIKE IT :).. I've been wanting to learn to play- so YAY! They are the best!
James (who wasn't there) got me a giftcard. Natalie got me a giftcard- STeven got me a book- and a cd :) and um. my grams also gave me this necklace. ITS GEORGOUS. My grandfather gave it to her for their 25 anniversary- which was like 30 years ago. (he passed away 8 yrs ago) but it meant alot to get it. she wispered in my ear that gramps wanted me to have this. the way she said it and stuff- made me want to cry. :( but I really really like it. Joshuah gave me a necklace - oen of th\ose rice ones, and gave wendy one to- with a smily face- but hers has her name and mine. :) its cool.
I spent the night from thursday night to saturday night at wendys and then she spent the night with me last night. she had school tonight. oso i am chilling at home- going thru pics-- finding pics of J and I for a project i'm working on. YAY! i'm soo excited. i dunno what to do or where to start on this. but i'm gonna get it done! in TIME. Some way form or fashion.
Well, I'm waiting on wendy- and she should be here soon..yay. we got scrap book pages earlier... whoohoo
I"m off work till wednesday- yay! no work for me! yay!!!!
current mood:  excited
current music: Intuition- Jewel
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| Friday, August 22nd, 2003
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4:03 pm - Think... cont.
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Ok I had to go earlier. but i'm here now.
lets see, my birthday is tomorrow, i'll be 21. YAY! I'm excited.. My friends are having a party for me. BUT alot of people didn't call W back- she just had to keep calling ppl. SHAME ON ALL OF YOU ;).. u should ppl back!!! heh - just joking. So anywho, we are suppose to swim, if the weather coroperates that is. so it should be really fun. :)
A lady at my work decorated my office- how nice is that? THANKS JUDY :)......
I had lunch with my mom- who sent me purple (yes purple) roses on wednesday :) they are in this georgous mi casa vase. its so pretty. :) we went to black eye pea- gotta love their rolls, and squash and fried fish. yummmmy :)
things are getting better. :) I spent the night with wendy last night- as u can kinda tell from my previous post. i was so tired. i laid down and feel asleep in mid sentence, so im told..hehe :)
well, enough for now :)
laterz
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1:03 pm - Think think think! (from winnie the pooh)
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I couldn't think of a subject, nor did I want to waste time thinking of one. Where to start.. .This is goign to most likely be out of order. o'well.....
Lets see, Last night, Wendy and I went to Pastor Bob and Candace's house. IT was fun- We had a meeting with meeting with Candace. I belive it went very very well. I went to support :)... and I cant' tell you what was dicussed- its none of anyone's business. heh. but anywho- Wendy, I'm proud of you, and belive that you did the right thing by talking to her. And you and I both know that Pastor Bob will have the same reaction as Candance. THey both love you very much! (so do i!) I know it took alot of strength to do that- but hold on to God's image (the one u got Sunday durning service) and let that be your source of encouragement and strength. Your doing great! If anytime you need me I'm there! (I hope i can live up to that!).. I wish you would have woken me up last night- so that we could pray together or something , or maybe calmed u down. but thats ok- just next time- let me know:) so that we can pray about it. and make all the nightmares go away! I can't express how Proud I am of you. (way to go!)
Well man i had more to write, but i gotta go.
current mood: happy
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| Saturday, August 16th, 2003
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2:35 pm - la la la l a
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My birthday is one week away. whooohoooooo!!!!!!!!! :)
well last night. i got off work. helped joshuah try to fix his car window. after that i laid down adn rested. and put a ice thingy on my head b/c i had a horrid head ache. i laid there. he watched tv. winnie was out with her family doing w/e...she came over. we 3 went to denny-s and i spent the night with her. i dont remember last night. lol. we came here, and ifell asleep. but i dont know its weird. anywho, today- we got up. went to my eye dr. appt. got a new perscription...went to starbux..and to bennys bagels *yummy* they make sandwiches or w/e on bagels ..yumnmmm...its good. came here. and i'm typing :)
lol. not alot else to be said.
gotta love weekends!!!!!!!!!
current mood: happy
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stephanieprice's journal
